Jack’s Story


See our JustGiving page

It is still difficult to talk about what has happened to me over the space of my life but I would not have got to the place I am today without the support of MCTC.

When I first approached MCTC, I was a mess and I had behaved abhorrently. I was abused as a child by my own mother both physically, emotionally and sexually. She was a narcissist that took particular pleasure in controlling every aspect of my life. She controlled my father, who’s only way of escaping her was to take to the bottle and when he got drunk he would beat me too. I never knew when the next form of abuse would take place and I grew up scared and silent. I managed to escape and I did well for myself for while. I went to university, I did a PGCE and wanted to become a teacher for a while. I met a girl and tried to settle down.

Unfortunately, I had never dealt with any of the issues that happened to me as a child. My partner at the time had a child and as he was growing up it resurfaced a lot of issues i had kept hidden for years and it began to give me worse flashbacks than I ever had before. It made me angry and I did not know how to deal with that anger. My partner was also a narcissist and I think perhaps in some Freudian way it was what attracted me to her.

Over the years as a child I had tried to end my life on a number of occasions, but I had begun to fall back into that pattern of not being able to deal with everyday life. I hated myself for getting into a toxic relationship but couldn’t leave because I loved the stepson, my partner had fallen pregnant and I worried I would be a terrible father like my own. I kept thinking the only way out was to kill myself. I was drinking and turning into my father.

I had tried to sort myself out. The NHS kept dismissing me and handing me off with anti-depressants which only made me worse. I was crying for help, but nobody came. I even tried hypnosis. Nothing worked. I met my therapist at MCTC and things started to go well. I felt like she listened to me and genuinely wanted to help me. Unfortunately, at the time my partner didn’t want me to get help as she needed me to look after her and the baby when it was born.

I stopped seeing my therapist and things went from bad to worse. I got into trouble with the law after behaving abhorrently. All my life I had fled from the fight all the feelings of abuse and stress finally caved and I lashed out hurting those closest to me. Just before that I had ended up in a mental health ward after trying to kill myself again twice. Hanging myself the second time in the hospital ward toilets after I was supposed to have been locked in a safe room after trying to kill myself earlier that day. I had gone purple and it was only by chance a nurse found me and cut me down. Only then was I put in the mental health ward. They released me after a week, with more meds, with no support and back to the home life environment I had tried to escape from. There was no excuse for me lashing out but the factors building up to it could have been avoided.

I was left with no home and no future. I ended up in a homeless shelter and I kept falling into the pattern of suicide attempts. After a long wait I finally got to see a psychiatrist. He kept telling me I wasn’t ready for help. I kept pushing and eventually after months of jumping through hoops they agreed to give me a course of treatment. On the eve of my first appointment the original psychiatrist sent me a letter saying that my therapy had been cancelled as after a review they still didn’t think I was ready. I was crushed. I called the ‘crisis’ team I was supposed to be under that was supposed to be the hotline number to call when I felt suicidal. It took them a day to respond to my voicemail. By then it was too late. I was homeless, suicidal and I had lost everything with nowhere to go.

The only person who had ever helped me was my therapist at MCTC. I contacted her, and she immediately took me back on with no hesitation. She never told me that I was not ready, and she never forced me to do anything that wasn’t at my own pace. She helped me come to terms with my emotions, she helped me understand that the anger I was feeling was justified and how to vent that in a healthy way. She helped me to breathe and helped me to overcome my anxiety issues. She started to help me get my life back on track. The agreement we signed to call her if I felt suicidal was so important to me and I knew she would contact me as soon as she could if I needed her. She gave me one of the most important things that you can offer anyone in that situation… hope.

I will never be able to repay all the kindness that my therapist showed me and all the things she did for me. If I had stayed with the NHS I would not have been here today. MCTC literally saved my life. I now live in a beautiful part of the world, the Lake District with the kindest fiancée, that is so opposite to any toxic relationship I have ever known. I have a steady job and I have a really good friendship network developing. My mental health has never been better. I may not have everything in my life that I would like yet. Access to my daughter is still hard to obtain because of my past mental health issues, but I am getting there.

But as they always said to me at MCTC: Everything will be alright in the end and if it is not alright then it is not the end.

And I truly believe that now.

 

Please help if you can so more people like me can get help and support.

PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE – Please Help MCTC to provide HOPE.

See our JustGiving page

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Ella’s Story

suicide-1

See our Crowdfunding campaign

I When I went to uni, I decided to go as far away from home as I could get cos things weren’t great at home. I got in on clearing cos my results weren’t great, and to be honest, I didn’t really care what course I did as long as I got away.

I kind of thought I’d make loads of new friends straight away but it was really hard. Even though it was tough at home, I started to miss my parents and my two brothers. I felt guilty for leaving them behind too.

I made a few friends in the end. We went out drinking every weekend and most nights too. I started missing lectures and basically never leaving my room – I was either pissed or hung over most of the time.

I kept getting emails from my tutors but I just ignored them and in the end I dropped out.

I couldn’t go home cos I didn’t want to tell my family. I had no money and nowhere to live – started sleeping on friends’ sofas and floors and sometimes I was even sleeping rough. I got mugged doing that one night.

I thought that was about as low as I could get.

Then, to cut a long story short, I accidentally bumped into a mate who had been a year or so ahead of me at uni. She said she could get me a job – I’m really embarrassed about this now – as a sex worker. It was phone sex at first and at last I had some money in my pocket – though not for long as I was still drinking a lot. Then she told me I could earn a lot more ‘on the job’. I was really nervous and hated it from the start but I stuck at it – alcohol got me through most of it and I’d started using by then as well.

Then, one night, after being beaten up yet again, I decided enough was enough. I took a load of pills and a bottle of vodka and woke up in hospital.

After all the tests and stuff, one of the nurses gave me a card for MCTC and then they sent me home.

Another all time low.

I didn’t know what I wanted but I knew I had to change. I wanted to see my family again but I didn’t know how and I wanted a proper life.

I sat for ages looking at the card. Then, I thought it must work for somebody… maybe even me.

I got an appointment really quickly and started seeing my counsellor every week. I was afraid to tell her my story because she seemed so nice – I didn’t think she’d understand. But she wasn’t shocked or anything. She even gave me her number to call any time if I felt suicidal again – like the Samaritans or something – only I’d be talking to someone I actually knew and who knew me. She asked me to agree that I’d call her before doing anything silly. I did call her one night and kind of felt better afterwards – like, for once in my life I’d kept my promise. Then the appointments carried on and I’m still seeing her now – 7 months on. I’ve still got a long way to go but at least I know what I want now. I’ve been in touch with my family and I really want to work with animals – properly – I’ve been looking at courses and getting experience.

I’m so glad I made the decision to go to counselling at MCTC – it’s really helped me.

I saw the crowdfunding campaign PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE and that really summed it up for me. That’s why I’m telling my story now – to try and give something back.

Please help if you can so more people like me can get help and support.

PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE – Please Help MCTC to provide HOPE.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Dave’s Story

affair

See our Crowdfunding campaign

I thought my life was going ok really. It wasn’t perfect but then whose is?

I’m nearly 40 and been a teacher for 15 years. I really enjoy my job, at least I used to – recently, there’s been a lot of pressure. The school I’m at got Requires Improvement at our last Ofsted so there’s been lots of paper work and all our jobs are at risk and there are a lot of staff off with stress at the moment. I never thought I would be one of them but I found myself taking the odd day off saying I had a stomach bug or whatever but really, I just didn’t want to go in and face all the negativity.

At home, things started to deteriorate too. My wife wasn’t happy about the amount of time I was spending on school work in the evenings. She said I wasn’t spending enough time with her and the kids. That kind of upset me because I always prided myself on being a good dad. Then I realised I’d missed several of their school and sports events and I was snapping at them. On the days when I went into school I was leaving the house at 7.00 and not getting back till about 7.00 in the evening.

I was spending so much time at school that I got friendly with one of the other teachers. We were working on a project together and spent a lot of time alone. I’m not proud of myself but one thing led to another and I started seeing her out of school. Of course, my wife found out and gave me an ultimatum, one last chance.

That was a real wake-up call. I love her so much and I didn’t want to lose her. I decided I needed some help – I had advised a couple of colleagues to get counselling in the past but it never even crossed my mind that I might need it someday.

In a weird coincidence, I picked up a card for MCTC at my doctor’s surgery. I was in to pick up a prescription for one of the kids and it was on the counter. I was quite relieved because I didn’t really want to talk to the doctor – her kids go to my school.

I got an introductory appointment within a week and although I had to wait a few weeks to be allocated a counsellor, it felt like the ball was rolling.

I’ve had a few sessions now and I think I am beginning to make progress. I thought my counsellor would be really disapproving but she didn’t judge me at all – she seemed more interested in helping me understand how I had got to the state I was in and now I am beginning to think about things I need to change.

I actually really like going to the Centre. It’s not like going to a clinic or anything. The rooms are big and comfortable with armchairs and everyone is really welcoming and kind.

When I’ve finished my counselling, I am going to try and do some fundraising for MCTC. I’ve always wanted to run a marathon so I might try and train for one next year.

PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE – Please Help MCTC to provide HOPE.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Sue’s Story

sunflower

See our Crowdfunding campaign

“And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood
that was hollowed with knives?” – Khalil Gibran

The two years I spent healing with MCTC’s help meant the most painful time of my life also became the most joyful.

I can hardly remember what was said in my first few sessions there, such was the intensity of shock after being raped, but I do remember feeling warmth and safety around me, and I gradually started to relax. I felt safe enough to give my body the space I needed to heal.

Whenever I walked through the doors of MCTC I felt that I was coming home. I was stepping into an environment where I could be totally myself and I had an instant sense of belonging. I was held respectfully and gently by the other people there, and there was an ease about how pain was carried: it was all ok. All of me was ok.

Through the quality of my personal therapy, the Breath of Life workshops, Creative Practices, and other groups, I do not feel I simply healed from my trauma: I flourished.

PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE – Please Help MCTC to provide HOPE.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Brett’s Story

bretts-story

See our Crowdfunding campaign

I was sexually abused by my cousin and then later by two older men, so called friends of the family. I never told anyone. I thought it was my fault – I should have stopped them.

I had been to counselling before but there was only a few sessions and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them.

I went to MCTC because my girlfriend said I needed help. Our relationship was suffering cos I kept having flashbacks and I couldn’t trust her, even though I really loved her. I also started drinking so I didn’t have to think about it.

I think it was my third session before I actually told my counsellor what had happened to me. I was so ashamed and embarrassed – I thought she would be disgusted with me but she was calm and told me that it was my abusers who should be ashamed, not me. That was my first glimmer of hope.

It took a long time – I went every week for more than a year – but, when my sessions finished, I felt like a different person. My counsellor supported me every step of the way until I was ready to go it alone.

I hardly drink at all now and my girlfriend and me are getting married next year.

PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE – Please Help MCTC to provide HOPE.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Bill’s Story

bills-story

See our Crowdfunding campaign

I decided to go to MCTC because it’s been hard to know how I really feel about things. I know I worried a lot and kept to myself. The loneliness was getting worse and a neighbour told me about the centre and helped me to set up an appointment.  I could never talk easily to people so art therapy was offered. I liked the idea of making something rather than talking.

The therapist was friendly and helped me to get started because I hadn’t drawn or painted much since my schooldays. I was a bit worried about getting things wrong or making a mess.

As time passed, I really looked forward to the sessions. I liked painting, using different colours, making clay models and even making messy art. It helped me to understand it’s ok to feel angry and frustrated sometimes. I could talk better this way. I suppose I felt safe.

The sessions also made me see things in a different light and that some things that happened to me as a child were not my fault. This helped a lot. I started to speak up for myself more instead of thinking I was wrong all the time.

I have met some new friends and I am coping better because I don’t bottle things up quite as much as I did and I get myself out more.

PAIN IS REAL BUT SO IS HOPE – Please Help MCTC to provide HOPE.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Shebeena’s Story.

husbands-affair

When I discovered that my husband had been having an affair, I felt like my life was over. He was my world, my everything. I didn’t want to live any more. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.

It was only because of our baby daughter that I didn’t kill myself.

I knew I needed to get help so she would still have her mum but I had already tried to take an overdose but I lost my nerve and made myself sick.

I couldn’t believe it when my counsellor gave me her phone number and said I could ring her at any time, day or night, even on Christmas Day.

She asked me to make an agreement that I would call her and speak to her if I felt like harming myself or wanted to end my life at any time.

I think she had to repeat it several times before I really understood.

It felt like someone really cared about me and what happened to me.

Then she encouraged me to talk – it was like I couldn’t stop talking!

All my pain came tumbling out – I cried during every session.

I thought I would never stop crying but I did in the end and then I began to rebuild my life with my daughter.

I’ve got a long way to go but I’m so glad I made the decision to reach out for help.

MCTC have made it all possible. 

Please help us to keep on making it possible for others like Shebeena.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.

Gerry’s Story.

gerrys-story

I lost my job and soon my marriage fell apart.

I’d been drinking heavily and I lost contact with my children.

I’ve always had a short fuse and my temper could be violent too. So eventually I ended up in trouble with the police and went to jail.

When I came out, I had no money, no job, no family and no chance of getting anything back. I hit rock bottom.

I found my way to MCTC. I couldn’t afford the full cost but they helped me out anyway and I paid what little I could.

It was hard at first. I’m not much good at talking. But after a while – quite a long time really – I learned how to do it. I really got to understand myself for the first time in my life. I wish I’d done it earlier. Who knows, maybe I wouldn’t have lost so much.

I’m getting things back on track now.

It’s been hard but the people at MCTC just wouldn’t give up. It’s really friendly there. Nobody judges you or makes you feel like a failure. It’s a bit like going home.

Things are getting better for me. I’ve found a job and I’m sticking at it. I know I can be a good dad too.

MCTC have made it all possible. 

PLEASE HELP US.

See our Crowdfunding campaign

Money tree

Donate

You can also follow us on social media by pressing these links: Twitter, Facebook.